Is your partner truthful in bed?

Despite stereotypes that tell us that men only care about their own pleasure in the bedroom, the truth is that most men are very invested in their partner’s sexual experience. Making their partner feel good is more than just an ego boost; it’s inherently tied to their love and care of their partner.  It’s also tied to their sense of masculinity, and how they feel about their sexual performance and abilities.

Unfortunately, women don’t make it any easier for their hard-working lovers. Because our society often shames women for enjoying sex or exploring their sexuality, many women are afraid to own their sexual experience or learn more about their sexual pleasure. As a result, they are very ignorant when it comes to their own bodies and their own hot spots.

Even if they are able to have orgasms on their own, women might struggle to have orgasms with a partner.  First of all, only 30 percent of women reach orgasm through intercourse. Yet many women also struggle with letting go and allowing the experience to come naturally. Instead, they stress themselves out and think, “It’s never going to happen,” or, “This is taking so long, it’s embarrassing,” so they fake it just to make their partner feel good.

If you are worried that your partner might be faking, here are some tips to keep in mind from Laura Berman, PhD, world renowned sex and relationship educator and therapist on Fox News channel:

• Don’t try to become a sexual Sherlock. Rather than trying to piece together clues or read her body language, it might be better to just come right out and ask. Don’t accuse her of faking or make her feel put on the spot. Instead, ask her what she likes most during foreplay or intercourse. If she’s feeling shy, take the first step by sharing your own fantasies or by telling her about your own sexual desires.  Have your discussion over a glass of wine or on a date night, when she is really in the mood to open up.

• Consider sex aids. Sex aids can be incredibly helpful when it comes to closing the arousal gap between men and women. (Women can take up to 20 minutes to become fully aroused, while men might need as little 7.5 minutes). With a sex toy, you can help intensify and increase her pleasure, and you can also take the guesswork out of figuring out her hotspots.

• Cue into her moans and coos. While you don’t want to constantly second guess yourself or worry about whether or not she is actually enjoying herself, you can learn some things from her body language. If she moans and coos when you touch her a certain way, it’s a good clue that she is enjoying herself and you should keep doing what you are doing.

• Encourage her to open up and become part of the experience. Once she realizes that you truly want to please her, she will become a very willing participant. Let her know, “I just want to make you happy.” 

It’s also important to keep in mind that orgasm isn’t the end all, be all of every sexual experience. Sex is about so much more than gratification. It’s also about intimacy, passion, connection and love. 

Follow NEWS.am Medicine on Facebook and Twitter