Man who hasn’t looked at his reflection in months opens up about phobia of mirrors

Stephen Gillatt, 40, lives with a phobia of using mirrors. The debilitating fear started four years ago, around the same time he had a mental breakdown. It’s not essentially the mirror that he’s afraid of – it’s his own reflection. Stephen will go months without peering in a mirror, because he cannot bear to look at his face. This doesn’t just affect him when he’s getting ready in the morning. If Stephen goes to get his hair cut he will keep his eyes shut throughout. Walking past large windows when shopping is a nightmare, as all large reflective surfaces make him feel uncomfortable.

Stephen tells Metro.co.uk: ‘I rarely use a mirror to do my hair. It’s short, so I just leave it how it is, or put some wax on my hands and just rub them all over my head. That’s it. ‘I rarely know what I look like when I go out. I just get dressed and ask my wife, or my eldest daughter – they’re both honest with me! ‘Not using them doesn’t directly affect me; but using them does. It’s actually easier when I don’t use them. So, unless I absolutely have to, I won’t. ‘I envy people who can just use mirrors for aesthetic purposes – to just see how they look, and if they like it. Or want to change it. ‘When I look in a mirror, I see an unsuccessful, emotionally ugly person. I don’t see my physical features, I just look straight through them. ‘I see my failures as a son, husband, father, brother and friend. My inadequacies. How I’ve hurt people, how I’ve let them down. And how much I loathe and hate myself for doing all this.

‘It also has links to death anxiety too.’ Stephen says that looking in mirrors makes him panic about his mortality. It’s a reminder that he won’t always be able to look into a mirror and see himself – that he’ll eventually be gone. ‘Eventually it’ll be just darkness and oblivion’, he said. ‘It triggers lots of things in my head. I have a lot of invasive, uncontrollable thoughts, and when I look into a mirror, they are triggered.’

Source: metro.co.uk

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