What is the secret of a healthy marriage? Well, there’s obviously no one answer or magic. But researchers continue to study couples in an attempt to seek out any information they can about what increases or decreases marital satisfaction, Fox News reports. One particularly important piece is how you and your partner fight—and maybe even more importantly, how you then resolve your conflicts and move on. Here are the conclusions made by researchers:

Wives should take the lead to cool down conflicts. The relationships in which the wives cooled down quickly after an argument were the happiest in both the short and long term.

Say “we” instead of “me.

Accept some things as they are.  Appreciate the things that are good and stop focusing so much on things you can’t resolve.