A lot of people didn’t feel ready the first time they had sex

Did you lose your virginity at the ‘right’ time? A lot of British people don’t feel they did. New research published in BMJ Sexual & Reproductive Health reveals that four in 10 women (just under 40%) and one in four men (26.5%) didn’t feel that the first time they had sex happened at the ‘right’ time. A lot of these people felt they weren’t really ‘ready’ for sex at the time.

Researchers questioned 2,825 sexually experienced British people between the ages of 17 and 24 about their experience of losing their virginity. Participants were asked whether both they and their partner had been equally keen to have sex, whether the decision had felt like their own, whether contraception was used, and whether they had felt ready at the time to start having sex.

In order for first-time sex to have been at the ‘right’ time, participants needed to have consent, autonomy, contraceptive use, and readiness. The stats we mentioned above – around 40% of women and 26.5% of men – reflect the percentage of participants who didn’t meet those four definitions of being ready for sex. When is the right time to have sex? The law says it’s legal for you to consent to sex from the age of 16. Beyond that, the choice of when to have sex is up to you.

The NHS recommends asking yourself some questions:

Does it feel right? Do I love my partner?

Does he/she love me just as much?

Have we talked about using condoms to prevent STIs and HIV, and was the talk OK?

Have we got contraception organised to protect against pregnancy?

Do I feel able to say “no” at any point if I change my mind, and will we both be OK with that?

If you answer ‘yes’ to all of these, sex is on the table. However, if you answer ‘yes’ to any of the following questions, now may not be the right time:

Do I feel under pressure from anyone, such as my partner or friends?

Could I have any regrets afterwards?

Am I thinking about having sex just to impress my friends or keep up with them?

Am I thinking about having sex just to keep my partner?

One in five women said they and their partner hadn’t been equally willing to have sex for the first time, with the majority of these reporting that they hadn’t been in charge of the decision. One in ten didn’t use contraception when losing their virginity. It’s not as simple as being younger or older – the four requirements of ‘sexual competence’ weren’t zero or 100% at any age.

Source: Metro

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